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17 naughty Harry Potter Valentines to snuggle up to your muggle with  

You won't need Felix Felicis to get lucky tonight.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 13:55:44



24 Starter Pack memes that'll *really* help you get it together in 2018  

No, really.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 12:27:40



Naomi Watts pays tribute to 'beautiful soul' Heath Ledger, 10 years after death  

"I will never forget his gentle spirit"

what do you think?

2018-01-23 12:19:50



(951): I was really surprised he...  

(951): I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 11:23:34



(315): Your dad was just slow...  

(315): Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 09:46:44



(503): Hypothetically...  

(503): Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?

what do you think?

2018-01-23 09:21:52



5 Games That Were Released Hilariously Broken   

By Henrik Magnusson  Published: January 23rd, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-23 08:55:45



People are sharing commonly-assumed “facts” that simply aren't true, and it'll make you rethink what you know  

You'll be like, "Ummm, ack-shually..."

what do you think?

2018-01-23 08:20:01



What Paris, Gwyneth, And Other Famous Folks Are Up To Now  

By T. S. Obiech,Scott Laffey,Andrés Diplotti  Published: January 23rd, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-23 06:02:44



(508): I'm a mess. I mean I...  

(508): I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 05:57:50



(914): fuck school, let's just...  

(914): fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 05:49:38



18 people reveal the creepy ways their Uber driver made them super uncomfortable  

Zero stars.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 04:56:57



20 times Albertina Rizzo was the funniest person on Twitter  



what do you think?

2018-01-23 04:46:04



(240): Who put my cat in the...  

(240): Who put my cat in the fridge?

what do you think?

2018-01-23 04:43:51



(775): My girl friends dad just...  

(775): My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 04:35:48



(850): Was not aware that standing...  

(850): Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 04:01:10



24 public speaking horror stories that will have you pinching yourself to make sure you're awake  



what do you think?

2018-01-23 03:44:09



Make Your Hollywood Dreams A Reality With Final Draft  

By CRACKED Store  Published: January 23rd, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-23 03:20:06



(423): I hate csi yet I find...  

(423): I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 02:54:16



(502): Yeah apparently i called...  

(502): Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 02:04:23



(913): I think I'll shower...  

(913): I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 02:03:50



11 post-it notes you'll want to immediately stick everywhere  

A life lived surrounded by cute sticky notes is a life well lived.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 01:51:18



(612): I have nice boobs....  

(612): I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience. (952): You're a saint.

what do you think?

2018-01-23 01:46:26



6 Millennial Fads That Are Way Older Than You Think   

By S Peter Davis  Published: January 23rd, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-23 01:45:45



This woman's DIY trick will transform your shoes to look brand new  

How did she do that?

what do you think?

2018-01-23 01:01:03



11 post-it notes you'll want to immediately stick everywhere  

A life lived surrounded by cute sticky notes is a life well lived.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 11:35:47



5 Surreal Realities Black Children Face  

By Alyssa Feller,Joel B. Kirk,J.D. Bennet  Published: January 22nd, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-22 07:21:03



(856): You're emotionally...  

(856): You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were. (1-856): I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?

what do you think?

2018-01-22 07:10:20



5 Beloved Groups Everyone Forgot Did Terrible Things  

By Dawn Morrow  Published: January 22nd, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-22 06:59:31



(718): Sometimes the most...  

(718): Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 06:46:30



(310): thats all i want out of...  

(310): thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 06:44:20



(703): He let me eat chexmix while...  

(703): He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 06:41:07



(603): Blow Jobs and the Patriots...  

(603): Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I'm going to marry her.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 06:29:12



(562): I danced my ass off after...  

(562): I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out (310): What a way to honor the dead.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 06:19:25



(360): There is a woman in the...  

(360): There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!

what do you think?

2018-01-22 06:14:50



This woman's DIY trick will transform your shoes to look brand new  

How did she do that?

what do you think?

2018-01-22 04:15:22



(386): So you completely...  

(386): So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 03:30:55



24 Starter Pack memes that'll *really* help you get it together in 2018  

No, really.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 03:26:43



(651): If by fun you mean, did I...  

(651): If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 03:09:31



(+44): at least he now gets to...  

(+44): at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 02:39:52



(603): Well that's very sweet of...  

(603): Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up. (1-603): NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 02:23:31



24 public speaking horror stories that will have you pinching yourself to make sure you're awake  



what do you think?

2018-01-22 02:17:13



(860): He's a fucking...  

(860): He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.

what do you think?

2018-01-22 01:01:42



(614): No he doesn't answer my...  

(614): No he doesn't answer my texts except for like on New Year's Because like I was fucked up on New Year's and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can't really recover from that.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 13:19:49



(918): What does it mean when the...  

(918): What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?

what do you think?

2018-01-21 13:08:51



(904): Hey, thanks for helping me...  

(904): Hey, thanks for helping me this morning (1-904): Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 12:51:39



Get Your Own Personal Internet Bodyguard With These 3 Items  

By CRACKED Store  Published: January 21st, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-21 12:49:06



(703): i ate pretzels. i might be...  

(703): i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 12:48:20



Tabloids Insist A Brain Injury Turned Me Into A Dominatrix  

By Anonymous,Saundra Sorenson  Published: January 21st, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-21 12:38:23



(229): I just don't know how...  

(229): I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 12:06:50



(978): I'm writing to thank...  

(978): I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 09:18:34



(901): After we had sex he gave me...  

(901): After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 06:13:53



(704): Hey bro are you still...  

(704): Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....

what do you think?

2018-01-21 04:19:46



(402): Idk what's happening...  

(402): Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 03:26:26



(519): He just sent me a picture...  

(519): He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 03:11:19



(513): When I woke up this morning...  

(513): When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 02:12:36



6 Terrible Stereotypes (That Came From Positive Things)  

By Kathy Benjamin  Published: January 21st, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-21 01:57:38



(440): my mom just came into my...  

(440): my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday.

what do you think?

2018-01-21 01:11:49



(773): Did anyone see us fucking...  

(773): Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?

what do you think?

2018-01-20 13:45:52



(970): I guess I was running...  

(970): I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.

what do you think?

2018-01-20 13:20:43



(951): Woke up snuggling with a...  

(951): Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.

what do you think?

2018-01-20 09:23:03



The 6 Stupidest Ways Governments Tried To Assassinate People  

By Alex Hanton,Spencer Thew  Published: January 20th, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-20 08:19:45



(719): I'll give you one guess. It...  

(719): I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it.

what do you think?

2018-01-20 08:13:16



(718): You don't feed me, fuck...  

(718): You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.

what do you think?

2018-01-20 07:20:12



(813): Never in my life have I...  

(813): Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!

what do you think?

2018-01-20 04:21:44



(413): I should buy myself...  

(413): I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine's Day instead of a present for you because I am the present.

what do you think?

2018-01-20 04:06:31



(248): Hahahaha. He sent me a dick...  

(248): Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....

what do you think?

2018-01-20 03:51:42



(443): OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS...  

(443): OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER (443): Still got in the car though.

what do you think?

2018-01-20 02:55:17



(248): The internet was right....  

(248): The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful.

what do you think?

2018-01-20 02:45:58



Henry VIII Wore What Was Basically A Loki Helmet  

By Cracked Writers  Published: January 20th, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-20 01:45:34



(415): So drunk last night I...  

(415): So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.

what do you think?

2018-01-20 01:06:21



(567): So I'm never gonna get...  

(567): So I'm never gonna get to see you again? (740): Hopefully.

what do you think?

2018-01-19 13:27:25



This viral review of Fenty's Foundation is the funniest thing you'll read today  

"I'm trying to be humble but I can't. I'm fly."

what do you think?

2018-01-19 11:37:47



(330): Should we make a shared...  

(330): Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?

what do you think?

2018-01-19 10:43:21



24 times delivery trucks hilariously failed Marketing 101  

Directly apply palm to face. 

what do you think?

2018-01-19 10:20:21



(908): I've peed in two sinks...  

(908): I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.

what do you think?

2018-01-19 08:45:07



(616): Once someone takes a shit...  

(616): Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.

what do you think?

2018-01-19 07:27:43



People are sharing commonly-assumed “facts” that simply aren't true, and it'll make you rethink what you know  

You'll be like, "Ummm, ack-shually..."

what do you think?

2018-01-19 06:53:37



13 Movie Scenes, Revised To Obey The Laws Of Physics  

By CRACKED Readers  Published: January 19th, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-19 04:57:48



6 Unpredictable Dangers Of Being An Atheist  

By Ian Fortey  Published: January 19th, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-19 04:43:41



(978): Just letting you know that...  

(978): Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.

what do you think?

2018-01-19 04:12:10



(305): Just dropped the most...  

(305): Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule? (786): No!

what do you think?

2018-01-19 04:03:25



(303): I just woke up and my ass...  

(303): I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.

what do you think?

2018-01-19 04:01:22



(918): The creeper at the bar just...  

(918): The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.

what do you think?

2018-01-19 03:27:43



7 Famous Props That Were A Huge Pain Behind The Scenes  

By Isaac Cabe  Published: January 19th, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-19 03:12:12



(251): That wasn't even sex....  

(251): That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning (334): ...did you just create a word for what we did?

what do you think?

2018-01-19 02:57:04



21 people who had a worse week than you  



what do you think?

2018-01-19 02:53:06



Become A Master Of Code With This Discounted Course  

By CRACKED Store  Published: January 19th, 2018 

what do you think?

2018-01-19 02:21:16



(812): I got outsmarted by a door...  

(812): I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.

what do you think?

2018-01-19 02:15:57



(416): We took three cabs to get...  

(416): We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again.

what do you think?

2018-01-19 01:13:02



Celebrities are using the Google Arts and Culture App portrait match, and they're just as likely to get those hits and misses  

You win some, you lose some.

what do you think?

2018-01-18 14:25:13



(734): Just watched someone fail a...  

(734): Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband (313): God bless him.

what do you think?

2018-01-18 13:23:55



Pam and Angela from 'The Office' are actually BFFs in real life  

"Hanging out and working out with my BFF."

what do you think?

2018-01-18 11:01:37



(586): I can't believe I made...  

(586): I can't believe I made out with a flat earther and didn't know about it until now!

what do you think?

2018-01-18 10:14:02



22 relatable AF parenting tweets because school closures give me anxiety  

"Alexa, feed my kids."

what do you think?

2018-01-18 09:17:20



(609): Can you face time me. I...  

(609): Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy.

what do you think?

2018-01-18 07:34:26



(330): We just did a u turn on...  

(330): We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug.

what do you think?

2018-01-18 07:13:32



(269): Last thing I remember I was...  

(269): Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...

what do you think?

2018-01-18 06:54:14



(325): Just saw a fat guy on a...  

(325): Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.

what do you think?

2018-01-18 06:26:53



(+45): The guy in the room next to...  

(+45): The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.

what do you think?

2018-01-18 06:01:50






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